NEW BMZ Feature - Dear Fathom

[Suerreal]

I'm going to try something new here. Have you ever wanted to play "Dear Abby"? Ever thought Abby's answers were off the mark and that you could do better?

If so, post a Dear Abby question, and then maybe 3-4 days later, post Abby's answer. In the meantime, everyone else can post an answer - serious, silly, obnoxious, whatever.

Please post each question in it's own thread, and write Dear Fathom in the subject line so:
1) We don't get any cease and desist letters from Abby or Ann
2) Other readers will know this isn't really about ::cough cough:: your "friend"

- Sue

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Dear Fathom,

I've got this friend, see? And she always talks in like questions, you know? Like, everything she says, is, like, you know? And I go huh? And she gives me like this look? And I'm all, why do you talk like that? And she's like, what are you talking about? And I go, don't you ever like listen to yourself? And then she gets mad, you know? And then she like bitches to everybody that like I'm all mean and stuff?

So what I wanted to ask you is, do you think she'll get mad if I don't invite her to my pool party?

[RebelK]

Why do you think she'd be mad? Is she short tempered?

[Suerreal]

Is she Canadian, eh?

[Catzpjs]

Why don't you send her over to Questions Only? Like, she'd fit right in, you know?

[AprilFoole]

Is there any question about it?

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Okay! So I asked her, like, do you wanna come to my pool party? Coz I was all worried she'd, you know, get mad and stuff if I didn't? And I wasn't gonna even mention, like, the way she talks? Coz she's all like stuck up about how smart and stuff she is, you know? And then doesn't she, like, totally blow me off with some lame-o excuse about how her boyfriend, which I happen to know he's seeing Samantha behind her back, you know? wants to take her to some stupid thing or other, and I'm all like oh, that's okay, you know, I totally understand and like you go have fun, and all the time I'm thinking, like, bee-yotch, you think you're all that and you're not, you know? Like I bet if Samantha goes to the party they're going to, which I happen to know she's gonna go, because she was telling me, you know, all about it, Miss I'm Too Good For Your Stupid Little Party is gonna be in for a big surprise, you know?

So what I wanted to ask you is, like, should I have my pool party be all Pirates of the Caribbean and stuff, or is that too lame-o?

[davidmn]

I know this isnt directly UNSW related, but would anyone be able to tell me if Basser have internet in the rooms?

[Ursa Major]

Originally Posted by davidmn

I know this isnt directly UNSW related, but would anyone be able to tell me if Basser have internet in the rooms?

Yes

[Dick Macy]

Well, that's an interesting question.

One wonders how a person would come strolling in to Fathom for the very first time, and ask a question of that sort. It's not a bad question, of course, but it is one that is obviously answered rather quickly and easily with a quick Internet search.

Oh, well.....welcome, davidmn!

[bbs2k]

Dear Fathom,

I was wondering what I could do to help bring me and my girlfriend's son closer. He's 12 and addicted to speed, as well as constantly skipping school. He doesn't like spending time with me and says I've helped ruin his life. I've tried all the typical bonding activities... mini-golf, Olympic swimming qualifying events, cock fighting... I'm really at a loss.

Oh, and his Mom is currently in jail.

Concerned,
bbs2k

[bbs2k]

I was going to add:

PS: At least he has a hot girlfriend.

But then I thought, "too much".

[Suerreal]

Heh.

Here the actual lead problem from Dear Abby tonite. . .

DEAR ABBY: For the past six months I have been dating a man I'll call "Tom." Our kids adore each other, our parents think we're a great couple, and our friends love seeing us together. There's just one problem: He's married.

Tom's wife has been locked up for some time, and neither of us ever expected to fall in love. I asked him if he planned on telling her about us, and he said, "yes," because he can't lie about it to her. We've been very open about our relationship.

Now that she's out, I can't help but wonder what I was thinking getting involved in this relationship. Don't get me wrong, Abby. I love Tom deeply, and he feels the same way. His family has been telling him for months that he's crazy if he doesn't leave her. What should I do about this? -- NEEDS TO KNOW NOW IN VIRGINIA

[bbs2k]

Truth is always stranger than fiction.

[Dick Macy]

Dear bbs2k:

Invite your girlfriend's son to go on a double-date with you. He should bring his "hot girlfriend".

Since your girlfriend is currently in jail, you can go without taking a girl along. Then, as the evening develops, simply toss the bratty little speed freak under a bus, take over the hottie, and have a wonderful time.

[Foggy]

Dear Fathom,

I can't

[Foggy]

[sangfroid]

Dear Fathom -

My wife just recently asked me to purchase locks from the hardware store for the doors of our bedroom. For the inside. In fairness, our kids (7 & 9) are of that inquisitive age when the parents may need - how shall we say - a little secure privacy. Shortly thereafter, I found a bag tucked off in the corner of our garage with a brand-new package of 100' of cotton clothesline rope and a handful of eyebolts. That I didn't purchase. And a week later stumbled across a charge on our joint credit card for about a hundred bucks from a, um, local, um, "personal entertainment" shop. That sells personal entertainment "stuff".

Our tenth year anniversary is coming up soon - should I be concerned?


Signed -

Anxiously Wondering

[sangfroid]

True story, BTW...

[Foggy]

...run!

[Dick Macy]

should I be concerned?

No, you should be thrilled!

[FlopperTopper]

It looks like you'll be hanging out to dry while your wife enjoys some personal entertainment.

[sangfroid]

Heh. Currently, I'm all ...

Wife is the picture of innocence. Flopper's probably right - new laundry option. She wants me to install that line off the back deck so we can dry the sheets in the sunshine and fresh air. Yeah, that's it. And that charge was for some amusing Valentine's gag gift. I'm feeling more secure by the minute!

Thanks, gang!

[rundogrun]

Oh, you'll be feeling secure soon enough. Securely fastened to...well...something.

[Dick Macy]

She's probably going to tie you to some large object that can't be moved. Then she'll take your cash and your credit cards and go shopping.