Another Never-Ending Story

[Dick Macy]

It's been a while since we did this.

So, this time, here's the rules:

1. Add to the story by writing whatever you want, just so it fits -- sorta-kinda, anyway.

2. You may not write more than three sentences, nor less than two.

I'll begin:


As I stood in the dark, a shot rang out. I knew it had to be from a large-caliber gun, just from the impact on my ears. And I figured it came from the upstairs apartment...

[FlopperTopper]

I never liked the people upstairs. They were always too noisy and maybe this will quiet things down. I knew I had to do something so I went to look for a light bulb so I wouldn't be in the dark anymore.

[Dick Macy]

Of course, a private detective has to spend a lot of his life in the dark, so to speak. That's what gives us job security -- not knowing what happened, but being ready, willing and able to research the situation. At this point, I'd been a private eye for 20 years.

[PUNdit]

I was reminded of what my dear old dad told me on his deathbed just a few years before he died:
"A Private Eye in the Public Eye gets punched in the Eye."

[Penquin47]

I began to wonder if dear old dad was psychic, as I opened the closet to a punch in the eye. Thankfully, my years of experience taught me to hit back instead of scream.

[RichPella]

I was taken aback, then, when the recipient of my well-landed punch let out a high-pitched scream. "Oh, what will my father think?" I wondered to myself. I'd never hit a woman before.

[Dick Macy]

And if she hadn't been standing there in my closet, I probably wouldn't have hit her.

But what a woman she was! Long black hair, eyes so black and deep that you could drown in them, and legs all the way up to her extremely well-shaped butt.

[Ursa Major]

"Did I give you a start", she asked rubbing her slightly bruised chin, "or is there something in this closet you don't want me to find? You have a heavy hand with the mothballs, by the way."

[Penquin47]

"In my defense, you hit me first." I stepped aside to let the lady come out of the closet if she so wished.

[Dick Macy]

As it turned out, she was a closet freak. Just loved closets.

That's something you don't see everyday, even if you're The World's Greatest Private Eye.

[RichPella]

"I used to work for The Container Store," she explained. "What can I say?"
"You can start by telling me what the hell you were doing in my closet," I replied smartly.

[Ursa Major]

"I was doing the macarena, if you must know", she replied. "The rats have the steps down, but your roaches couldn't dance their way out of a paper bag."

[Dick Macy]

To which I quickly replied, "Oh, a wise gal, eh? Listen, sweetheart, nobody likes a wise gal."

"Okay", she said, "actually, I was looking for my lost umbrella."

[Ursa Major]

"You won't find any umbrellas in there," I retorted, "Umbrellas are for English nannies and comic book villians. I'm strictly a trenchcoat and Panam hat man."

[Dick Macy]

"But I know I left it someplace", she whined.

It was getting difficult for me to be patient with her, but then I remembered those legs, and gave her another chance. After all, the detective always gives the dame another chance, right?

[PUNdit]

So I told her, "Unless that's one of those golden umbrellas I heard about, you don't need it. You have me to protect you now."

[Ursa Major]

She looked back at me with a scornful look that said better than words that she wasn't easily impressed by chauvinistic displays of chivalry. "Not golden; more precious than mere gold", she said. "I bought it while in Malta, and it has certain...sentimental value to me."

[Dick Macy]

"Uh oh", I thought -- this babe might have been involved in the famous Maltese Falcon case. Of course, that would have made her incredibly old -- about a hundred -- and she sure didn't look it. Nor did those legs.

[Ursa Major]

"Finding things", I replied, "is what I do." I grabbed a fresh notebook from my desk and scrawled, "THE CASE OF THE MALTESE UMBRELLA", across the top of the first page. "Now, tell me, when and where did you first notice your umbrella was missing?"

[Dick Macy]

"Just this morning, when I walked outside and discovered it was raining. I looked everywhere, but no umbrella. So I came here, since I'd heard that you were quite adept at finding...things..."

[RichPella]

"Keep your mind on the case, keep your mind on the case," I kept telling myself. But it was no use.

[Dick Macy]

She was quite a doll, and those legs kept crossing my mind. Especially, every time she crossed them.

It's hard, being The World's Greatest Private Detective.

[PUNdit]

And everytime she uncrossed those legs it got harder.

[Suerreal]

Can you describe the umbrella? And would it also be of "sentimental value" to anyone else you can think of, Miss . . . um. . .

[Ursa Major]

Before she could answer, a police sergeant with his gun drawn barged through my front door. "What the Hell is wrong with you people!" he shouted, "Didn't you hear the gunshot upstairs?"