Surgoshan
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Last Activity: August 21st, 2010 12:35 PM
About Me
- About Surgoshan
- Location
- SC
- Interests
- Hurruuugghh!
- Occupation
- TA
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Signature
- Surgoshan = Neuro-trash grrl ^ 2 - 2 * Nu Vo Da Da *Chef Troy / 2
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I'm a college student. Back off or I'll take you down with me. Wally sig!
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I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar.
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I haven't failed, I've merely found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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I'd rather be rich than stupid.
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The meek shall inherit because they stay up at night and change the will.
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We believe in equality and freedom and all that, but, Dude, fuck you.
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Miss Cartman, your son is now in what we would call the fourtieth trimester, and abortions are only legal in the first.
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God: Jesus, what happened to you?
Satan: Huh?
God: When I kicked you out of here, you were a headstrong rebel, now you're a whiny little bitch.
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You are now in Nebraska... Sorry
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I'd rather be rich than stupid.
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"He's right on top of us! I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using..."
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"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
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"As I told you, that would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"
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"I admit it, you are better than I am.
Then why are you smiling?
Because I know something you don't know.
What is that?
I am not left handed!"
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"You are amazing!
I ought to be after 20 years.
There's something I ought to tell you.
What is that?
I'm not left handed either"
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"Who are you?
No one of consequence.
I must know.
Get used to disappointment.
Okay."
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"I do not envy you the headache you'll have when you awake, but in the meantime rest well and dream of large women."
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"No excuses! I'll just have to get myself a new giant, that's all."
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"Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad!
I'm on the brute squad.
You are the brute squad!"
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"Give us the gate key.
I have no gate key.
Fezzick, tear his arms off.
Oh, you mean this gate key."
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"I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be no survivors! The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your SOULS!"
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"Let me put it this way, have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons."
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"We'll never survive.
Nonsense, you're only saying that because no one ever has."
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"You've committed one of the classic blunders! The most famous is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia'! But only slightly less well known is THIS: 'Never go in against a SICILIAN, when DEATH is on the line'! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, a ha ha ha..."
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"Wesley, what about the ROUSes?
Rodents of Unusual size? I don't believe they exist."
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"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
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"The concept of the suction pump is centuries old, only instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I just sucked one year of your life away..."
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"The Pit of Despair! Don't even THINK ab... cough, hack, wheeze Don't even think about trying to escape, the chains are far too thick."
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"What I wouldn't GIVE for a wheelbarrow or SOMETHING!
Fezzick, where did we leave that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Well, with the Albino, I think.
Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?"
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"Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up."
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"Inigo, I hope we win."
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"As you wish"
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"Oh my sweet Westley, what have I done?"
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"You be careful, men in masks cannot be trusted."
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"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togevah, today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwaingement, that dweam wivin a dweam..."
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"Won't that be nice. She kissed me!"
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"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. T'would be a pity to damage yours."
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"To the death!
No! To the pain.
I don't think I've heard that term before.
I'll explain, and I'll use small words so you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
That may be be the first time in my life a man has DARED insult me.
It won't be the last."
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"To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose."
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"WRONG! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shreik of ever child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish, the every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out "Dear God, what is that THING" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
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"Father, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere... Somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword. Please. Guide my sword."
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"I'm sorry, Inigo, I didn't mean to jog him so hard."
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"Everybody MOVE!"
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"You don't look so good. You don't smell so good either."
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"Anybody want a peanut?"
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"He's too late, see? The Cliffs of Insanity!"
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"A word, my lady? We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?"
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"Am I going mad, or did the word 'think' escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass!"
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"Oh, the sop has spoken! What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her! And remember this, NEVER forget this! When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy! And YOU! Friendless, brainless, helpless, HOPELESS! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland?"
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"Where did you get that?
At Miracle Max's. It fit so nice he said I could keep it."
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"You've been mostly dead all day."
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"Klatu Barata Nikto"
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"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, mutton, lettuce and tomatoe sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoe's ripe... They're so perky, I love that."
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"Who gets Humperdink?"
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"It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass. I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all."
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"Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like. [OOF!]"
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"Isn't that a wonderful beginning?
Yeah, it's terrific"
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"Fezzick, you did something right!
Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head."
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"Why are you wearing a mask, were you burned by acid or something like that?
No, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I expect everyone will be wearing them in the future."
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"I've been specializing in ropes, fighting gangs, rock hard cherry trees, that kind of thing."
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"He's got very good arms."
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"Hello there! Slow going?
Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate if you wouldn't distract me.
Sorry."
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"I don't suppose you could a-speed things up?
Look, if you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or tree branch or find something usefull to do."
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"I could do that, I do have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accpet my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."
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"That does put a damper on our relationship."
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"I promise I will NOT kill you until you reach the top."
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"That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."
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"I hate waiting. Could I give you my word as a Spaniard?"
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"No good! I've known too many Spaniards!"
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"Is there any way you'd trust me?"
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"Nothing comes to mind."
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"I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya. You will reach the top alive."
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"Throw me the rope."
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"I do not mean to pry, but you do not, by chance, happen to have six finvgers on your right hand?
Do you always begin conversations this way?"
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"So you are ready then?
Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair."
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"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.
You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die."
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"Why did you say that name, I told you NEVER to say that name!
What, 'Humperdink'?"
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"He clearly said 'to blave'"
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"Not to fifty!"
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"You were supposed to be this Colossus, you were this great, legendary thing! And yet he gains!"
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"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
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"Iocaine. I'd bet my life on it."
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"He can track a falcon on a cloudy day, he can find you!"
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"He also told him of the existence of Count Rugen, the six-fingered man. Considering Inigo's life-long quest, he took the news surprisingly well."
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"Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. You cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords."
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"I will never doubt again.
There will never be a need."
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"Hear this now. I will always come for you."
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"Murdered by pirates is good."
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"Farm boy... Fetch me that pitcher."
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"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
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"I'm sorry, I got married, I didn't mean to, it all happened so fast!"
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"Wait, wait, you messed that up. She doesn't marry Humperdink, she marries Westley, I'm just sure of it! After all that Westley's done for her, it's just not fair!"
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"The King's stinking son fired me, and thank YOU for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why not just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"
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"Fezzick took great care in reviving Inigo."
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"In all history there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."
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Greeted by Welfy in "Return of the Welf III: This Time it's Personal"
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Welfy thinks I'm cute!
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Send lawyers, guns, and money.
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They've come to snuff the rooster. He ain't gonna die.
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Here comes the rooster.
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Dirty Deeds: Done Dirt Cheap
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We're on a highway to hell.
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I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes.
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She shook me all night long.
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I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day.
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I've got two turntables and a microphone.
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There's a destination a little up the road from the habitations in the towns we know. A place we saw the lights turn low; the jigsaw jazz in the get fresh flow. Pullin out jobs and jamboree handouts; two turntables and a microphone.
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Where it's at.
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You know, I used to be such a nice boy.
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He's just an excitable boy.
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He took little Susie to the junior prom. And he raped her and killed her then he took her home.
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After ten long years they let him out of the home.
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He dug up her grave and filled a cage with her bones.
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Werewolves in London.
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I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand.
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Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain.
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Better stay away from him; he'll rip your lungs out, Jim.
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You hear 'em howlin' 'round your kitchen door.
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Of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best.
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That son of a bitch, von Owen, blew off Roland's head.
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He blew van Owen's body from there to Johannesburg.
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I saw a werewolf drinking a pinacolada at Trader Vic's. His hair was purple.
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The deal was made in Denmark on a dark and stormy day.
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The CIA decided they wanted Roland dead.
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Roland was a warrior from the land of the midnight sun.
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Thompson gun for hire: Fighting to be done.
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You can still see his headless body stalking through the night.
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In '66 and 7, they fought the Congo war.
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With their fingers on the triggers; knee-deep in gore.
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They killed to earn their living.
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His comrades fought beside him, van Own and the rest.
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Of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best.
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In the muzzle-flash of Roland's Thompson gun.
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Roland searched the continent for the man who done him in.
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He found him in Bombasa, in a barroom drinking gin.
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Roland aimed his Thompson gun, he didn't say a word.
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The eternal Thompson gunner, still wanderin' through the night.
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I went home with a waitress, the way I always do.
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How was I to know she was with the Russians, too?
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The shit has hit the fan.
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Send lawyers, guns and money.
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I'm the innocent bystander.
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Je vais, je vais et je vien.
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I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.
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I'm going to walk the earth.
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I am a man of constant sorrow.
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Jack Butler's gonna like you.
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They say there's only one true mojo left in the world. I'm giving you all the magic I got.
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Yeah, here comes the rooster.
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Caller, do you realize you've spent the better part of three minutes talking to me with a 20 year old Mexican mand lying dead on your kitchen floor?
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"Dead"? What do you mean "dead"?
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Down the track came hobo hiking...
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So come with me, we'll go and see the big rock candy mountain.
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The sun shines every day on the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees.
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There's a lake of stew, and of whiskey, too. You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe.
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I'm a-goin' to stay where you sleep all day, where they hung the jerk who invented work.
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Je t'aime.
Moi non plus.
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Je t'aime, oui, je t'aime.
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Comme la vague irrésolue, je vais, je vais et je viens.
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Tu es la vague, moi l'île nue.
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L'amour physique est sans issue.
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Non! Maintenant Viens!
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Was the best damn woman that I'd ever seen.
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Knockin' me out with those American thighs.
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She told me to come, but I was already there.
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Oh the cat got dead, we put him in a box and we dug a little hole and we covered it with rocks.
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All a dog could afford was a cat he dug up with a case of rigor mortis.
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Got a big-tittied girl by the name of "Chrissy".
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I said "Gimme some of that, what you're suckin on", but there was no reply 'cause she was gone.
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"Where's those titties I like so well, and my godamn beer" is what I started to yell.
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Up jumped the Devil. He's about this big. He had a red suit on and a widow's peak, and then a pointed tail and like a sulphur reek. Yes it was him all right, I sweared I knowed it was - He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws!
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Gimme that contract, you bet your ass I will sign, 'cause I need a beer and it's tittie-squeezin time!
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Leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean?
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She said, "I've got three beers and a fistful of downs, and I'm goin' to get ripped, so fuck you clowns!"
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Hold on a second boy, 'cause that's MAGIC ink!
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This is what it's like when worlds collide.
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Your money won't buy nothin round here, blind boy! It's your soul he wants!
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You are a robot.
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Where I come from; you don't play no harp you don't get no pussy.
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The blues ain't nothin' but a good man feelin' bad, thinkin' 'bout the woman he used to have.
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In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.
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That song doesn't normally last three hours, but we got into a serious 'thing' and I forgot how it ended.
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I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
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I'll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby.
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Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even speak your language.
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Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place.
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I stole your wallet.
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Does Barry Manilow know that you raided his wardrobe?
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No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
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I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
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Are you crazy?
Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
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Being bad feels pretty good, huh?
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Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.
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What do you need a fake I.D. for?
So I can vote.
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Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
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Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
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I will not be made a fool of!
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hee hee hee Ever hear of a ritual killing? hee hee hee
huh?
Gnaw on her face like that in public again, and you'll bee one. hee hee hee
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And I get compliments on the hyphen.
Sure ya would.
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I'm a kid, that's my job.
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I'm in college. I define cool.
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I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.
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A lot of people hate this hat. It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it.
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Every day's a good day when you have a big dick.
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Live fast, die young, and fuck anything that moves!
And some things that don't, right?
Now you're getting it!
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Look! Wednesdays are senior citizen days! Imagine that! We could buy our very own senior citizen!
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They probably have the senior citizens on racks so you just browse through them and even try them on if you want?
Try them on? I'm not sure that's legal.
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Legal shmegal. Have you forgotten who you're talking to?
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You'd be surprised just how far a mixture of apathy and horse tranquilizers will take you.
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Why do I have the feeling that this is all going to end with a call from the state police?
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Wow, it's like "Harold and Maude" without the love.
Yeah, and my version includes donkey punching!
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God, my elderly woman is annoying! "I'm hungry! I'm thirsty! Who are you? Untie me!" Nag nag nag.
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At first I was going to hook up a car battery to her nipples to see what would happen, but now I'm leaning more toward anal asphyxiation with a belt sander.
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You realize you're going to hell, don't you?
That's why I brought my swim trunks.
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You took a crap on the couch again, didn't you.
Oh yeah.
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We better go get a shovel and some gasoline because we've got a lot of digging to do and a lot of evidence to burn.
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There's something wrong with my elderly woman. She's not moving anymore and she's colder than usual.
I think I broke her.
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Fucking dot-comers.
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If these weren't so refreshingly delicious I'd be beyond myself with disgust.
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Jesus, how come I can only see you after I've been puffing aerosol for hours on end?
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Why can't life be easy?
It is, you just aren't any good at it.
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I got pregnant off a pity fuck, and now my baby looks like Jerry Springer.
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Baby's Big Book of Chemical Warfare
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Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Become Friends
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Strangers: How to Get in their Cars and Why
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Curious George and the Electric Fence
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"Pop Goes the Hamster" and Other Fun Microwave Games
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At-Home Vasectomies
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That's what she said.
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What's that blue thing doing there?
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I found a new friend underneath my pillow.
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Daddy loves me. He loves me a lot. Sometimes he loves me so much I cry. But I won't tell mommy because it's our secret.
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Thank god for the porno industry.
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He shoots he scores!
I love porn.
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I swear, they were dead before I found and ate them.
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God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
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I've never met anyone who knew so much about professional wrestling.
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Mom, can I have anal sex?
Not until you're 14.
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I showed her. I smothered her with love. And a pillow.
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No women, no kids. That's the rules.
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What do you do for a living?
Cleaner.
You mean you're a hitman?
Yeah.
Cool.
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Can we try with real bullets now?
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Death is ...whimsical... today.
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Say hello to my little friend.
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My parents were killed by dirty cops. I was rescued by a hitman, the most wonderful man in the world. He taught me how to kill people, then he died killing the cops that killed my baby brother. We'll get along fine if you'll stop giving me shit.
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I love you, man.
Thank you!
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It's like a new pair of underwear, you know... At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.
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A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?
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Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool huh?
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Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that every one liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.
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Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.
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I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
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I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.
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She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym-class.
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Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
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Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
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Aren't you gonna open your gift?
If it's a severed head I'll be really upset.
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Or imagine being whisked away to... Delaware. "Hi, I'm in Delaware."
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I have seen the future and it licks itself clean.
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Why is there yogurt in this cap?
I can explain! See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all...
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I don't miss twice, campers!
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As for your delivery yesterday, why did it take twice as long as scheduled?
Fry got his head stuck in a crater.
I though it would fit.
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That penci-pushing skazwag! Why, if she was here... uh oh, is she behind me?
No. I'm in front of you.
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So, this is where you eat?
Eat and sleep.
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Oh, NOW I see! NOW I get it! The office, the promotion, the dwarf in my book club that steals my opinions...
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I had to get rid of him. He was a bad robot.
No, he was a bad friend! I want him back right now!
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Now what did you do? Stop doing things!
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I am bender. Please insert girder.
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But. But but, Bender need brain! For smart making!
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She loved me for the part of me that's a slob, and I loved her for the part of me that's desperate.
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We've got to go to the central bureacracy and get that disk back!
Why?
Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
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Uh oh. Someone had a baby.
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Someone requisition me a beat!
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I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I'm here.
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[gas]Number 1.0!
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de de de de DON'T quote regulations at me! I co-chaired the committe that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation is in! We kept it grey.
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I'm going to go home and relax the traditional Jamaican way. A warm glass of milk and fresh-baked cookies.
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When push comes to shove you've got to to what you love even if it's not a good idea.
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Hermes Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.
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Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!
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It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.
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Do wot do wot do wot do wot do wot do wot
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This concept of “wuv” confuses and infuriates us!
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I like my dumps to be as memorable as they are heart-breaking
- Surgoshan = Neuro-trash grrl ^ 2 - 2 * Nu Vo Da Da *Chef Troy / 2
Contact Info
- Home Page
- http://surgoshan.blogspot.com
- This Page
- http://fff.fathom.org/forums/member.php?u=69